Let Go

This was written as a newsletter sometimes ago. I’ve turned this into a blog post and made a few edit.

For most of what I wanted to master, during the lesson, I would focus on perfection. Anything but perfection would, in my mind, be utter failure. Sounds extreme, but for most of what I did, there was a great fear of getting it wrong.

We know that perfection is the enemy of good — though I would never describe myself as a perfectionist.

By the end of most lessons and sessions, I would go home slightly defeated. It was a dull negative emotion that wasn’t enough for me to quit but enough to kill the fun factor out of whatever I was doing. With the lack of fun factor, it made me think: why am I doing all of this? That question would go unanswered for a while.

Instead, I would say to myself:

Make sure you turn up, even when you don’t want to”, or

“It’s supposed to suck! Just keep going”, and even

“If you are finding it difficult, good, it means you are being challenged, which makes you better”.

I guess these are valid mantra because they do get you through tough times. At the same time, however, life shouldn’t be solely just delaying gratification (in other words, perpetual suffering).

Coming back to that original question: why am I doing all of this? It’s for the future goal. Why do I do a lot of things? It’s rarely for the present. It’s for some future goal.

Changing gears a bit…

When was the last time you just went for a walk? A simple walk. No destination, not to get your steps up, clear your head, or some benefit you seek in the future. Just a simple walk without any reason?

I can’t remember. In fact, I’m not sure if I am capable. I have this desire to fill up my time with activities that are “productive” or “self-improvy” (and that’s why I feel bad if I browse social media or get distracted for a second). It’s all in the effort to please the future self.

Now, it’s not totally bad to delay gratification or prepare for the future, but as with everything, we need balance.

What got me thinking about this was a book recommended by a friend (not an influencer I follow, or an algorithm), 4000 Weeks by Oliver Burkeman.

To summarise Burkeman’s thesis: there definitely is a productivity epidemic going on, where there is constant consumption of educational content — instead of just cooking dinner or doing the dishes, we need to multitask with an audiobook.

Multitasking seems productive, and we equate productivity with “good” because we get more done for the same amount of time. But we slowly train ourselves not to be able to do the mundane without some stimulation.

You might also find you do two tasks, but neither one exceptionally well. Burkeman’s argues that even doing a mundane task, staying present with it, or even allowing your mind to wonder has benefits over trying to squeeze as much as you can in the time given.

Plus, the more you do, the more you want to pile on, so no matter how productive you are — it will never be enough because the goalposts just keep on moving.

This all comes down to our fear of an uncertain future.

So what do we do? We do the impossible task of trying to make the future certain. That means preparation — taking on more tasks to make our future selves better and more prepared (the effort).

What happens if things don’t go as planned (the results aren’t what we expect)?

Humorously, I was talking about this topic with a friend. He said to me that he doubts Jimi Hendrix had a dedicated programme on getting better at playing music. He played because it was his occupation, he was talented at it, and he probably enjoyed it too.

For most normal people, they do their hobbies because they enjoy their hobbies — not to get better for the future. Sure, competency is important, but it’s not the be all and end all goal.

Now coming back to the title of this post. The need to control the future and have a perfect outcome was causing me stress. This is where I learned: just let go.

Don’t worry if you don’t nail that technique for that day. Obviously, make sure you turn up and focus, but just learn to enjoy the moment. Be grateful that you get to do these things and don’t worry about what you are missing out on.

In dance, for example, if I don’t get the routine or I am worried I will forget some moves, I let it be. Sometimes it is good to forget things and relearn them but better.

Shifting my mindset has made me enjoy these hobbies so much more. (paradoxically, enjoyment is what can help you improve faster). So what I am going to do now is focus on just being okay with turning up, putting in a good effort, and not worrying getting the perfect result.

If you are going through something similiar, I hope you found this useful.